That’s What I Call Infrastructure

Gov. Chet Culver has signed I-Jobs into law, so the race to capture a chunk of those big, juicy bonded bucks is on.

I humbly make these proposals.

5. The Metro Marion Regional Institute of  Barbecue Sciences (MMRIBS)– Situated in a picturesque, subdivision of one of Iowa’s fastest growing communities, MMRIBS would foster vital research into charring, smoking, grillin’ and chillin’. It’s science. And science doesn’t come cheap, folks.

4. Downtown Iowa City Escape Pod Project — Why be accosted by unruly late-night drunks when you can jump into sleek escape pod and be whisked to safety? The rocket-propelled pods would land at the Riverside Casino and Golf Resort, adding a critical tourism component.

3. The Kinnick Stadium Recliner Upgrade – Every game is victory for comfort once those hard bleachers are transformed into rows of weatherproof La-Z-Boys. Iowa wins the BCS: Big Comfortable Seats.

2. Coors Light Rail — A high-speed train running between Cedar Rapids and Iowa City that also spawns refreshing blizzards on sweltering summer days to the tune of the O’Jays’ “Love Train.”

1. And, of course, the Tower of Invincibility. (Many thanks to Krusty Konservative for putting me on the scene.)

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1 Comment

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One response to “That’s What I Call Infrastructure

  1. Emily

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, to you this time: you are a genius! I personally will be applying for an MMRIBS fellowship.

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