Snowman Death Baffles Investigators

Mr. "Daddy" Snowman

Mr. "Daddy" Snowman

MARION — Was it the wife, or the sun?

Only Mr. Frosty “Daddy” Snowman knows. And he’s not talking.

Not anymore.

Snowman, age undetermined, was found expired on the front lawn of a home in a north Marion subdivision Sunday afternoon. Foul play is suspected, but natural causes have not been ruled out.

He is mourned today by his young friends, Tess and Ella, who said in a joint statement that they, “made him what he was, and worked hard to keep him from falling to pieces.”

They blamed each other, though both issued high-pitched, indignant denials. Neither is under investigation, police said.

The crime scene (Warning: Graphic)

The crime scene (Warning: Graphic)

Witnesses told police that Snowman blew into town on the heels of Saturday’s heavy late-season snowfall. He was last seen standing in the yard next to Ms. “Mommy” Snowoman, his estranged wife. Their marriage had cooled in recent months.

Ms. "Mommy" Snowoman

Ms. "Mommy" Snowoman

Snowoman is now considered a “person of interest,” according to police, but remains at large.  They are following leads, but have so far hit dead ends. Investigators say it’s almost like she melted into the thin spring air

Snowman, according to friends, was an irregular columnist for the Snowtown Blow, where he won awards for his reporting on the threat of global warming. He was laid off last month, when his job was outsourced to Antarctica. He soon entered treatment for antifreeze addiction.

Friends said he drifted all winter. But they said he hoped to make a fresh start this spring, or at least lose a little weight.

Still, they said, it seemed like he knew his days were numbered.

“I had to remake his head, twice,” Tess said. “He kept losing it. Then Ella sat on him. She ruins everything.”

He will be remembered at a private ceremony, where Tess and Ella will collect his hat, scarf, sunglasses and carrot nose from the front yard before they blow away or get jammed in daddy’s lawn mower. Snow cones, his favorite, will be served afterward.

Anyone with information about Snowman is asked to contact authorities.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Ella said. “Can we get out my pool yet?”

Snowman during happier days

Snowman during happier days

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “Snowman Death Baffles Investigators

  1. Martha Not-Stewart

    Sorry about his disappearance!

  2. Monica

    Sad!

    But the way you write it is very amusing, I’ll admit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s