I’ve worn the same massive winter coat for years. It’s a big goose-down, dark green Eddie Bauer hulk that weighs a ton. That’s especially true when I’ve jammed the coat’s many pockets with stuff.
Every once in a while, I can’t stand it any longer and I clean out the pockets. This occurs with the frequency of a solar eclipse. But today’s the day.
Here’s what I found: (Dumped on my desk, above)
16 HyVee receipts, some dating back to last winter. For instance, on Feb. 15, 2008, I bought Murphy’s Irish Stout, a bottle of tonic water and a bag of spinach. I don’t recall that recipe.
4 old grocery lists, two written on a Tinkerbell notepad.
14 other receipts, including Starbucks, Home Depot, Menards, True Value, Casey’s, multiple Guppy’s on the Go locations, assorted ATMs and Cyclone Liquors in Ames.
1 Dutch Boy Paint swatch, pink. “Little Princess.” Obviously not for my man cave.
1 preschool Christmas pageant program, holly green. They opened with “Deck the Halls.” Classic.
1 ticket stub from the Penn State-Iowa football game on Nov. 8. Priceless heirloom worth much more than the $3 off Riverside casino buffet coupon printed on the back.
1 book of matches from Casey’s. “Convenience Costs No More!” it says. May have been used to light victory cigar after Penn State game. Can’t be sure.
1 pair of sunglasses in smash-resistant case.
1 crumpled piece of paper with the words to the Czech National Anthem. “In the gardens blooming flowers: All this paradise is ours.”
1 spare key to my car
1 voice recorder
And last but not least, $14.49 Ka-ching.
I have now officially kept my New Year’s weight loss resolution. I lost five pounds without breaking a sweat. Congrats to me.