1. Super Storm — Time it took to snowblow my drifted driveway and buried sidewalks: More than an hour.
Super Tuesday — Time it took for the Fox Decision Desk to declare winners and bury losers once the polls closed in several states: About 5 seconds.
2. Super Storm — Just when you think you’re done shoveling, a pathologically merciless snow plow driver shows up and fills the end of your driveway.
Super Tuesday — Just when you think promising early returns might indicate a big night for Obama, the pathologically conniving Clintons rise up to halt his surge.
3. Super Storm — Can it please stop snowing already?
Super Tuesday — Can Mitt Romney please stop wasting his childrens’ inheritance already?
4. Super Storm — The more snow we get, the more bitter this winter becomes.
Super Tuesday — The more Hannity, Limbaugh, Ingraham and Coulter bitterly pile on McCain, the more attractive he becomes.
5. Super Tuesday — Disturbing demographic divisions as Obama wins with blacks but loses among Hispanics and Clinton wins women but falters with men.
Super Storm — Disturbing gender divisions as a disproportionate number of men push shovels and snowblowers while a disproportionate number of women are stuck with crazed, snow-bound children.
6. Super Storm — Local TV reporters stand shivering in front of snow drifts and don’t tell us anything useful.
Super Tuesday — National TV journalists stand clueless in front of multi-colored maps and don’t tell us anything useful.
7. Super Storm — Low pressure on top of us.
Super Tuesday — George Stephanopoulos.
8. Super Storm — This winter will never end.
Super Tuesday — This campaign will never end.