5. Miley Cyrus — Lot’s of folks are very worked up about the cultural implications of the 15-year-old pop star’s bareback pose in Vanity Fair. Great. So will someone from the National Association of Easily Outraged People please confiscate my daughter’s singing Hannah Montana doll? If I simply can’t stand to hear “This is wicked awesome!” at 80 decibels one more time. Thank you.
4. Grand Theft Auto IV — News Flash! Older, uptight caution crusaders target a form of art, culture or technology favored by young, irreverent thrill-seekers. Stop the presses.
3. Rice Shortage — I rarely eat rice, but suddenly I have an overwhelming desire to hoard it in obscene quantities. What gives?
2. Emerald Ash Borer — Every time I see one of those little metallic green tree menaces, I think of a super-cool Hot Wheels car I had back in ’78. Man, was it fast.
1. Deer Ticks — From the Mason City Globe-Gazette, via the AP:
“State health officials are warning that cases of Lyme disease in Iowa are expected to rise this summer because of an infestation of deer ticks, which carry the disease.
Nationally, the number of Lyme disease cases has doubled since 1991, the Health Department reported. Minnesota set a record for cases of Lyme disease in 2007, with approximately 1,200 cases.
A person’s chances of being infected with the Lyme disease organism is usually less than 3 percent. Research has shown that an infected deer tick must be attached for more than 24 hours to transmit the organism.
Approximately 75 percent of people with Lyme disease did not find a tick on them, nor did they recall being bitten by a tick.
Guess I’ll stay inside and play Grand Theft Auto. If other things are scaring you this week, please add them to the list.